Honesty Accepted - Deception Denied

We've all done it at one time or another, or will do it sometime in the future. Regardless of when you do it, just remember you will get caught eventually and when you do, you cannot bury your head in the sand. Too bad there are not strict policies, punishable by law in association with the internet wherein something could be written and implemented along the lines of "Truth in Online Dating". Who am I kidding, people have lied from the beginning of time and will continue to do so until Hell freezes over and even when caught some will continue to do so at our expense. Bastards! Remember the old video rental mantra "Be Kind, Rewind"? Some of you may be too young to remember that but the sentiment still applies. For this subject, lets use, oh I don't know, how about "You Lie, You Die", hmmmmm, maybe not, too blatant. Oh wait, I know, "Honesty Accepted, Deception Denied". Anyway, the point here is to be honest in all you say and do. Have you ever stretched the truth or told an out and out blatant lie? Tell me how many more lies did you have to tell to cover your ass from the original lie? Life is too short to waste all your time and energy covering your ass. Do it right and do it honestly the first time.

So, you are asking yourself, what is this crazy woman's point? OK, OK, the point is, when you are creating a profile, be it just for your screen name or for an "Online Dating Site" be honest. Describe yourself as you see yourself, if you are 5'5" don't list that you are 5'10", if you weigh 210 don't list your weight as 135. Be real, have you ever spent endless hours talking to someone and envisioned what they looked like based on the picture and physical description posted on their profile only to find the picture is 10 yrs old, they have gained 50 pounds and are 6 inches shorter than what they indicated. It has happend to me, and I was pissed, aggravated and disappointed. And, yes, I have done it myself and when it came time to meet the person I felt really bad about the lies I had told and fessed up. We met anyway and in this instance we became very good friends, but, it doesn't always work out that way.

If you are going to share personal information, be very cautious, be generic, but honest. If you plan on meeting this person and who knows, maybe start a relationship, don't sabotage it with lies. A good relationship, romantic or friendship is based on trust and honesty. Start off on the right foot, and maintain a certain mystery about yourself to pique their interest, remember any embellishments will be exposed, relationships destroyed and in most cases the trust is gone forever.

Simple advice......tell the truth no matter how bad it sounds, your honesty will be welcomed and very much appreciated not to mention the open doors that result from that same honesty. Honesty is sexy and appealing and lies, well, they are boring, unattractive and get you nowhere, but caught!

Those of you that are lying to someone right now, come clean, spill the beans, maybe you can be forgiven, maybe not, but you can start fresh from here.....the point of honesty and truth in Online Dating and every aspect of your life. It is much less complicated to tell the truth than it is to cover a lie.

Relationship Problems: Whats Your Contribution?

As the story goes, there was once a farmer and his family. They lived in and farmed a huge and gorgeous valley, right next to an equally huge and gorgeous mountain range.

Each year as the seasons turned into late summer and early fall, the farmer and his sons would begin to store their barns with hay for the winter. Some years they stored just a little for the winter, some years they stored much more.

One year, they began to store hay earlier than ever before. The farmer told his sons that it was going to be a very long and cold winter. As each week began, the farmer would instruct his sons to store more and more, and even more hay.

And then as they got further and further into the fall, the farmer and his sons doubled the amount of hay they stored in the barn.

The father said "Sons ,we've got to store more hay than ever before. It's going to be a winter like we have never seen."

One son, being just a bit tired of storing more and more hay, asked the father how he could know that it was going to be a more difficult winter than ever before. The father replied, "Son, you are now old enough for me to tell you the secret of how I know how difficult a winter it will be. Each year, I look up on the great mountain where the Indians live. On the mountain, the Indians store wood for the winter. Some years, in mild winters, they store just a little. Other years, in particularly harsh winters, they store much more.

So I know how cold the winter is going to be by watching how much wood the Indians store away. Now that you know my secret, let's get to work, because the Indians just put away more wood yesterday."

Another son, being fed up with storing so much hay, took one of his younger brothers on a journey up to the mountains to speak with the Indians.

When they arrived, they approached the chief of the tribe and asked him why he was putting away so much wood this year. To which the chief replied,

"This is an ancient Indian custom. We always know how cold the winter will be by watching the farmer in the valley. The colder the winter will be, the more hay the farmer puts away!"

What is Your Contribution?

Both the Indian and the farmer were simply reacting to each other, believing that each one was the source of the need to prepare the winter.

And so it goes in many of our relationships. Whether it is in friendship, marriage, family, or the work environment, we are prone to blame others for the way we behave in the relationship.

The line goes something like this,

"If only they would do (blank), then I would stop (or start) doing (blank)."

So the question then becomes, as in the farmer-Indian story, what is your contribution?

Do you do any of the following:

=>Expect too much.

=>Expect too little.

=>Have a preconceived bias against the other person.

=>Misinterpret something they have said or done and then fail to check out your perception.

=>Expect/demand the other person to change first.

=>Expect/demand your own way.

=>Do the silent treatment or some other way of shutting the other person out.

So what to do? Three steps:

1) Identify your contribution.

2) Take responsibility for it, whether you like it or not.

3) Change your contribution.

Relationship Conflict: Lock Horns or Lock Arms

One of my favorite comic strips growing up was "The Lockhorns." Not so much because it particularly funny (although it was), but because it seemed like a great model for how not to do love relationships.

It was not until recently when someone mentioned the phrase "lock horns or lock arms" did I realize what the title of the comic strip really meant. What occurred to me, besides the fact that I can be a little slow sometimes, is that in love relationships, we always have the choice to either lock horns or lock arms.

Let's take a quick look at how to lock horns, and then some tips for locking arms that you can take home and use.

How to Lock Horns

=>Turn your relationship into a competition and keep score.

=>Make being right the most important goal in any discussion.

=>Take the Sinatra approach: "I did it my way" - be inflexible.

=>Regularly bring up offenses of the past. Often and in detail.

=>Always fight for the absolute correctness of your perception of things and never make room for your partner's perception.

=>put your self first - make sure your needs always get met, at whatever cost.

How to Lock Arms

Learning to lock arms involves making a commitment to choosing one person and making it work. A fairly radical notion in our divorce prone culture.

=>Create a relationship vision. Most couples spend more time planning a two week vacation than they do considering how they would like their relationship to be. Which leads to the question................

=>If we could design this relationship any way we wanted it to be, and we knew we couldn't fail, how would we like it to be?

=>Design a relationship that is a "safe-place." Not just safe from physical or emotional abuse, although of course that is crucial. What I mean is create an environment where it is safe to be your self, feel and think what you feel and think, with room to grow as a person.

=>Make an ongoing, lifetime commitment to do two things:

1)As much as humanly possible, understand a totally different gender than your own. Not better or worse, just radically different. And,

2)Completely understanding one other person. Part of locking arms is the commitment to work at totally understanding one other person in life. Not always an easy thing to do, but consider how good it could feel to be completely understood by someone.

=>Remember that relationship conflict is inevitable. Fighting is optional. It is always a choice.

=>Learn to look at the world through the eyes of your partner. You don't have to agree with how they see things, or even understand it completely. You do need to be able to see through their eyes.

=>Form a partnership that uses each of your own unique skills to the fullest.

The other thing I remember about "The Lockhorns" comic strip was that neither one of them appeared to be very happy with the arrangement. Maybe I'll start a comic strip called "The Lockarms." In the meantime, carry with you the simple reminder "lock horns or lock arms", and see how conflict will go down and your relationship will improve.

The Evolution of Dating at 40 and 50

I am sick of the dating scene at 40. The hassles of trying to meet someone is grating over my nerve cells. Why bother with the countless times of being alone, and wondering if he's going to call today? It's a headache on top of a headache. Let me tell you why.

I see men my age dating women that are only 22 years old. What chance do I have if men won't look at me? They think women over 40 are old, stuck in their ways their breast is sagging, not to mention their bodies don't have it going on any longer. Most of us are fat as sin. Why would men our age want to date us? They can have their pick of the youngsters out there. Some men my age and older have girlfriends that are 18 years old. I bet you men my age have girlfriends that are 16 and 17 years of age, but it's a well kept secret. This concept is frustrating as hell to women my age.

I thought I had a man in my life. He's 53 years old, and stuck in his ways, but he made me laugh as he came into my life two years ago. We dated for a while and it had its up and downs, and then we moved in together. It was fine for a couple of months, and then he grated on my nerves, and I got on his. I think when you move in with someone, you take each other for granted, and that's the honest truth and fact.

He comes home from work, walks into the living room, turns on the television, fixes himself something to eat, and that's his plans for the rest of the day. He usually ends up falling to sleep with the television blasting away and the kitchen a mess from his cooking.

What do I have to do? Turn off the television, and clean up the kitchen. I'm dying to go to the movies, or walk on the beach with the man I love, but it's not happening. I have to beg him to take me to the beach, and believe me he's getting something out of it. My man and I continued to fuss and fight so we ended up moving out. He moved out on Tuesday and I moved out on Wednesday. I knew it'd be the end of our relationship, but I had no choice in the matter. He was stressing me out.

After a week, he called, and we started talking again. I was happy because I loved this man, I just couldn't live with him. He'd call you on Thursday, and you wouldn't hear from him until two weeks later, and that was usually on my payday, of course. He didn't think anything was wrong in not calling his woman. I stopped talking to him at one point, and told him never to call me again. How could a man go two weeks without calling the woman he supposed to be in love with? Answer me this question. He doesn't think anything is wrong with it. What do I supposed to do for two weeks? What is my man doing that he's not spending any time with me? I just don't understand the way he thinks. I'm 43, and he's 53. Maybe there's a problem in our ages.

Now my man just calls me when he needs a loan. He knows the things I like to do, but does he once call me and insists that we go to the movies, or to the beach, or maybe out to dinner? No! He just wants to borrow some money because he's broke. What does that tell me about my man? HE'S JUST NOT INTO ME! I took this from a quote from Author Greg Black's book, which is his title, by the way.

I know this is hard to swallow when you realize that your man isn't into you. I loved him, but if he does not love me back then it's time to move on. I can't make anyone love me. I think the day we decided that living together wasn't an option for us; our relationship went down the drain.

Now I am 43 years old and miserable because I'm so romantic, but can't find my soul mate to be romantic with. I have to sit around and hear about my 22 year old daughter's love life. She's with a man in his forties, and he does everything for her. Anytime she needs money, he has it, she gets in trouble; he bails her out, and is her prince charming. This is definitely what a man supposed to do for a woman.

I also have to keep telling myself that I'm not 22 years old and gorgeous like my daughter. Men are in line to date her, and I can understand why this 40 year old man would want to be with her, instead of me. Am I jealous? Of course not, I'm just envious and lonely.

I still wish I had a sexy body at 40, and old and young men would be whistling at my door. So far, it hasn't happened, and it's the most miserable feeling in the world, and then some.

I ended the relationship with my man because as I said before, he just wasn't into me, and we both were wasting our time. He wanted to keep me around in case I could be a tool for his use; like loaning him money or something. I'm not here for you to use me, and I work to long and hard for my money. If you were in love with me, and being the man that you were taught to be, then you can have my entire paycheck, and then some.

But you're not the one, so find someone else to use. I'm not your fool.

So as I sit here, and weep as I write this article, I'm saddened to the brink of hysterics. I am 43 years old, lonely and old. There's no dating scene for me anymore. I'll truly be an old maid for the duration of my life. The tears hysterically fell, as I was blinded by them. What a waste of a loving, kind, and passionate woman? The dating scene sucks! I just have to continue to read my romance novels, and pretend that the heroine is me, and the hero is my prince charming, loving me like a man should love a woman.

The evolutions of men I've dated in my years have solely been a paradise of disappointments in the 21st century. Out of the men I've dated, and that's not a lot, I'd say two were my prince charming. One I blew away because of my insecurities and the other passed away. Now those were men, I'd gladly put on a platter for the entire world to see.

Anyway, I know women who are in love with married men; men who have five or six girlfriends, and men who are gay, but pretend to be straight, in the process of sneaking around on his woman lover to be with his man lover. What is wrong with this picture? This is the manipulation of a disease in the making, of course. The suffering women and men have to put up with because we want to date, and we don't treasure being lonely, old, and alone for the duration of our existence. Again, what is wrong with this picture?

Now there are women who are satisfied with their men, and men who are satisfied with their women. Some women don't care one bit if the man is abusing them left, and right, or cheating on them with their best friends, etc. As long as I have a man next to me, I don't really care. Again, what is wrong with this picture? In scientific studies, do you really have this man, if he's sleeping with other women and men? I don't think so, but let your mind baste on that fact, and hopefully you'll come up with the right solution.

Wonderful White Gold Wedding Rings

Wonderful White Gold Wedding Rings

by: Donna Monday

The elegant and sophisticated look of glittering, gleaming gold. There’s nothing quite like it. Some people never grow tired of the look of pure gold jewelry. Gold, being our most precious metal, is often a first choice among couples looking for that perfect gold wedding ring. While yellow gold remains very popular with the wedding crowd. Many people prefer the brilliant hue of a white gold wedding ring. White gold will look beautiful on you whether you’re a man or a woman. You can find online a great selection of white gold diamond wedding rings and white gold wedding ring sets. Also, if you’re looking for something a little fancier that can also become a piece of wonderful keepsake jewelry, white gold makes a very elegant engraved wedding ring that can be passed on to future generations. The one thing you need to be aware of when buying a white gold wedding ring is that it will need periodic maintenance in order to keep it’s luster. To obtain it’s much desired glittering white color, white gold is coated with another alloy called Rhodium (the natural color of white gold is really light gray). Rhodium will wear down after a while, so to maintain your ring’s luster, you’ll need to visit your local jeweler about every 12-18 months and have it re-plated with a new coating of Rhodium. The cost for this should be very reasonable. Whether you’re looking for a plain gold wedding band, or a wedding ring with sparkling diamonds, white gold is an excellent choice for those looking for something a little extra special.

Women and Pensions: What Women need to know and do

Women and Pensions: What Women need to know and do

by: Cindy Morus

While all workers need to save more for retirement, women face additional challenges because they have lower earnings, experience higher job turnover, step out of the work force to take care of children and/or parents and are employed in industries with low or no pension coverage. Women need to save at least 12% of their pay. This would include any retirement account contributions made before you get your check (such as 401k, 403b or deferred compensation). Your best savings vehicle is a tax-deferred account such as a 401k, 403b, IRA, SEP or Roth IRA because your earnings are sheltered from taxes until you retire. OR in the case of Roth IRA's you'll never have to pay taxes on your earnings because you paid taxes on the money before it was contributed to the account. Check with your tax preparer to see which retirement options are best for your situation. Just remember to "save early and often"! * Does your employer have a pension plan? Employers are not required to have a pension plan. You need to find out from your employer if a plan is offered. * Do you know what type of plan it is? There are two basic types of pension plans. A traditional plan promises a specified pension benefit at retirement usually based on the years you worked and your salary. A defined contribution plan, such as a "401(k) or 403(b) plan," maintains separate accounts for each person and retirement benefits are based on the amount in your account. These names come from the portion of the tax code that describes them. * Are you included in the plan? Pension plans do not have to include every worker. Some jobs may be excluded from the plan and part-time workers may not be covered. Check with your plan administrator (the person running the plan), personnel office or union representative to make sure that you are a plan member or to find out how to become one. * Have you worked long enough to earn a pension? Generally you must work five years under a plan to qualify for benefits, although some types of plans still require ten years of work to earn a benefit. Some plans require less than five years. Ask the person running your plan for a summary plan description which describes the plan and its requirements. * Do you know how much your pension will be? The summary plan description should tell you how your benefit will be calculated. Your employer may give you or you may request an individual benefit statement showing the value of your pension benefit. The individual benefit statement should show the benefits you have actually earned to date and a projection of your benefit at retirement. * Do you know what happens to your pension if you retire early? If your traditional plan allows you to collect pension benefits before "normal" retirement age (65 in many plans) your benefit may be reduced since you will be getting benefits for a longer period of time. * Do you know what happens to your pension if you change jobs? If you have not worked long enough to qualify for benefits, you will lose your pension. If you qualify for benefits, some plans will keep your pension until you reach retirement age. Others will allow you to take your money out in a lump sum. If you take the money, you will have to pay a tax penalty unless you roll the money over into another pension plan or IRA. * Do you know what happens to a pension if you or your spouse dies? In a traditional private pension plan, you may be entitled to receive a benefit from your spouse's plan when he dies. This "survivor" benefit is automatic unless both spouses agree, in writing, to give it up. If you are in a government plan or a defined contribution plan the rules may be different. * Is your pension insured? Most traditional company and union pension plans are insured by the federal government through the Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation (PBGC). PBGC pays benefits up to a maximum guarantee if plans fall short. Plans where you have an individual account and government plans are not insured. * Do you have pension information from all your jobs? If you earned a pension at a previous job, contact the plan to get information on your benefit. Also, when you apply for Social Security, you can find out what private sector pension benefits you may have earned. Finally, contact PBGC for help in locating your benefits from a private sector plan that no longer exists. Be sure to keep all employment and pension-related records with other important papers. * Do you know what benefits your spouse's plan provides? If you are a beneficiary under your spouse's pension plan, you may request a copy of a summary plan description from the plan administrator (generally the employer) which describes the plan, your rights under the plan, and whether survivor annuities or other death benefits are provided under the plan. You may also make a written request for copies of plan documents and a statement describing your spouse's vested benefits under the plan. There may be a charge for the information and your request may have to be in writing. * Are you entitled to a portion of your spouse's pension benefit if you get divorced? As part of a divorce or legal separation, you may be able to obtain rights to a portion of your spouse's pension benefit (or he may be able to obtain a portion of yours). In a private plan, this is done using a "qualified domestic relations order" (QDRO) issued by the court. You or your attorney should consult with the administrator of your spouse's plan to determine what requirements the QDRO needs to meet. * Do you know the Social Security benefits to which you may be entitled? Your Social Security benefits will be based on your earnings during your working career. You may also be entitled to benefits as a spouse, ex-spouse, or widow based on your spouse's earnings. Periodically, you should verify that your earnings on file with the Social Security Administration are correct. * Can my pension benefits be reduced by Social Security or other government payments? Some pension plans offset a portion of your benefit by some of the amount you receive under Social Security. Likewise, if you or your spouse have a government pension, it may affect the amount of your Social Security benefits. Your plan administrator will be able to advise you. * Do you know how you can save for retirement if you do not have a pension plan? Anyone with earned income can put money into an Individual Retirement Account (IRA). Or, if you are self-employed, you can establish a Simplified Employee Pension (SEP) or "Keogh" plan.

When is the best time to get pregnant?

When is the best time to get pregnant?

by: Heather Barnard

The Luteal Phase or the Post Ovulation Time is the stretch of time between a woman's time of ovulation up to the first day of bleeding of the menstrual period. This is a relatively fixed time in nearly all women being around 14 days. The actual length of the Luteal Phase may vary by a day or so but for each individual woman it is usually exactly the same length each month. The average length of time of the Luteal Phase is 14 days, some women may have a luteal phase of 15 days and some of 13 but for most it is 14 days long. The length of the Luteal Phase is constant even in women who have irregular periods. For those who experience irregular monthly cycles, the 'irregular' part is actually the time from the beginning of the cycle (1st day of bleeding) up until the time of ovulation. Once ovulated then the period is guaranteed to start some 13 to 15 days after as long as fertilisation hasn't occurred. So when is the best time to get pregnant? Well obviously at the time of ovulation. The egg will only last some 12 hours or so before is becomes incapable of fertilization. The Ideal conditions for getting pregnant are to have live sperm inside and waiting at the time of ovulation being as sperm can live on average 2 or 3 days inside the female body. The trick therefore to becoming pregnant is to get to know your body and predict with as much exactitude as possible when you will start to ovulate so that you may have intercourse some hours before. Remember that repeated ejaculation on the male part will decrease the virility of the sperm. The 'basic' way to know when you are about to ovulate, which will only really work with women who have regular cycles is the counting method. The cycle begins on the first day of bleeding. Counting from that day until the beginning of the next period will give you the total length of your menstrual cycle (normally about 28 days). Ovulation usually occurs between days 11 and 14. If you are irregular with your periods then you should make a note of the length of your cycles over a few months and try and determine just how irregular you are and if possible work out an average length. A very effective way to observe your cycle and discover your ovulation time is by using the basal body temperature method or BBT method. This entails using a special BBT thermometer which is calibrated in fractions of degrees. The vaginal temperature must be taken every morning (if possible at the same time each day and before daily activity begins.. ie before getting up). At the time of ovulation a notable rise in temperature is recorded. You will be able to observe from this the exact length of your luteal phase and you will notice just how regular it is (even for those with irregular periods) You will also get to realise the little signs and sensations that so subtly accompany ovulation. The disadvantage with this method is that it tells you when ovulation has occurred and the ideal conditions for getting pregnant as stated before are to have intercourse a few hours 'before' ovulation is due to occur. Another way to predict ovulation is to observe the changes in texture of your cervical mucus. As the hormones within the female body fluctuate, so too does the texture of the cervical mucus changes. Normally it is thick and sticky, and when observed under a microscope appears to have of a sort of meshed fibre effect. Around ovulation time the mucus changes to be much thinner and clearer, this when viewed microscopically has a parallel fibre effect which actually aids the sperm to travel through the vagina by means of a basic and natural capillary action. The mucus will remain in this thin state for 2 or 3 days. This is the ideal time for conception. A combination of all of the methods listed here should help you to get to know your cycle rhythm and learn just what your body is doing so that you may predict exactly when you are about to ovulate.